


You've got to crack a few eggs

by FoxyRainbow



Series: Walk me home [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Thorny - Freeform, ThunderIron - Freeform, Tony probably poisons Thor with his home cooking, bad life choices, depressed Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 20:17:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21434089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxyRainbow/pseuds/FoxyRainbow
Summary: Tony visits a friend, finds him looking like the mess he expected he would.Essentially an alternative start to Walk me home, if Thor had gone back to Erik's house after Hela took over Asgard. A little one-shot that could technically very well stand on its own.
Relationships: Tony Stark/Thor
Series: Walk me home [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538251
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	You've got to crack a few eggs

November had barely put his foot through the door and the neighbours had already put up their Christmas decorations. Colourful twinkling lights reflected on Tony's purple shades, concealing the man's gaze from Thor.  
For reasons he didn't want to delve in, that made him grateful.

The god smiled awkwardly, scratched the bump on his head he couldn't for the life of him remember getting in the first place.  
"This isn't really a good time."

Tony bounced on the tips of his toes, bending those expensive Italian loafers he hated more than they should be able to handle.  
"I would invite you in for a drink," Thor continued, "But I just got back from work-"

"You didn't go to work today," Tony informed him, removing his sunglasses and shoving the left temple in his shirt, letting them hang next to his undone tie. "After you didn't respond to her fifteen missed calls these past three days, Natasha went ahead and filed all the necessary paperwork for a sick leave on your behalf. Apparently, she's had to do it for Clint a couple times in the past, she's used to it," he shrugged.

The god glanced over his shoulder, searching for his cellphone.  
"I have been meaning to call her back," he mumbled, as soon as the mental image of himself shoving said cellphone between the couch cushions came to mind. "I _really_ have-"  
"I know. I know you have," Tony reassured him.  
"Time flies when you-" the large blond stuck his thumb out, vaguely gesturing at something, or someone inside the house, "I actually have someone here, that's why I _completely_ forgot I was supposed to be at work."

"You didn't forget," Tony was talking quickly, "You just didn't feel like going."

Thor rolled his eyes and wore his favorite condescending smile. Shoving his hands in the pockets of Erik's robe he had hastily thrown on to avoid answering the door in his underwear, he let himself fall against the door frame with a soft grunt.  
"Didn't understand you knew everything, forgive me, Your Majesty."

"Dr Selvig happened by SHIELD today, for reasons that evade me. I caught the tail end of a conversation he had with Natasha about all those missed calls you neglected returning. He's worried about you."  
"Erik worries too much," Thor groaned and crossed his arms.  
"Stop me if I'm wrong," Tony suggested. "You're in the house all day, you stay out all night, when you find the energy to leave your bed you wander around the house aimlessly. You _know_ you're probably going to get fired but you can't find it in you to do something about it. You have forgotten what pants look like, you feed off junk food and cheap booze, _when_ you even remember to eat. You probably wouldn't have showered if you weren't going to be having sex and I'm guessing you either don't remember the _name_ of the person you have over, or you picked somebody decidedly bad for you."

Thor furrowed his brows, swallowed hard and wrapped the robe around him tightly, hoping he was appropriately concealing the scar his sister had imparted upon him. 

"Do you know _why_ I know all this stuff?" Tony cocked his head to the side in an attempt to insert himself in the god's line of sight.  
Misery was just not designed for those brilliant blues.  
"Because that has been me, most every day, since Pepper left. Minus the questionable sex, maybe," he pursed his lips. "If I'm not wandering around my massive, empty house, _feeling_ emptier than it, I work until my body begins to shut down."

The god gathered the courage to lift his head, search for the truth and sincerity the man's words promised within his eyes. 

"I'm not here to lecture you, god knows I'm the last person to and you're the only god I know. That sounded more clever in my head," he rolled his eyes, quietly reconsidering his life options, somehow earning a small smile from Thor. "I'm here to check on a friend."

"I could rummage around the cupboards, see if Erik bought some coffee," Thor scratched that same bump he had spent his time getting acquainted with as of late and moved away from the door. "Come in. Please," he added, the sudden realization that he had missed having a _friend_ to spontaneously check on him dawning abruptly. 

Much to the inventor's surprise, the unnamed individual Thor had been spending his time with was a man.  
"You look vaguely familiar," Tony pointed out, following the stranger with his eyes as he jumped off the couch, grabbing his shirt in one hand and his shoes in the other.

"No, no I don't," the suddenly apprehensive man informed him.

"Have I seen your face in a SHIELD database somewhere?"  
"I'll see you around," the stranger stormed past Thor, never giving him a chance to respond. The god followed his guest with guilty eyes, wincing when he slammed the door behind him.

"_Have_ I seen him in a SHIELD database somewhere?" Tony wondered loudly, looking very amused when Thor gifted him his largest, goofiest smile.  
"You're going to get in trouble, point break. Besides, you can do so much better."

He got rid of his jacket, vest and tie, gingerly tossing them on a spot that was until recently occupied by the god's questionable date. He undid most of the buttons of his shirt, scratching absentmindedly just below his arc reactor.

"Now, have you eaten anything all day?" he asked, curiously peering into Dr Selvig's fridge.  
"Not really," the god admitted, searching for his phone between the couch cushions.  
"Are you particularly insistent on your food being _edible_?" he asked, as he carefully picked things he decided worked well with an omelette out of the fridge.  
"I _am_ partial to not being poisoned," Thor gave his fellow Avenger a small smile. 

Obviously disappointed, Tony shook his head and went on to search through a stranger's cupboards for a pan.

~

The browned, oversalted clump of eggs Tony insisted was an omelette partnered remarkably well with the cheap grocery store wine Thor had served in coffee mugs.  
Judging by his total of five tall water glasses, a single glass beer mug, the collection of novelty shot glasses and the endless array of coffee mugs, the god had to guess Erik didn't really entertain often.

"Is it edible?" the inventor leaned over the kitchen table, studying his creation with narrowed eyes, cringing when he heard the alarmingly loud _crunching_ sound it made in the god's mouth.  
The blond shook his head vigorously and took a large sip of wine.  
"It has a great personality."

"Maybe I should order us some pizza, instead?" Tony grimaced, studying Thor's face as he shoved forkfulls of - damn, that was a lot of onion - _food_ in his mouth.  
"You said the omelette is the number one comfort food," the god shook his head. 

"Are you feeling comforted?" the dark-haired man cocked his head to the side.  
"I have food, drink and good company," Thor smiled at him. "It is all much more comforting than whatever _he_ was doing," he gestured vaguely to the couch that was still occupied by Tony's clothes.  
"Despite what they'll tell you, cheap sex doesn't solve your problems, point break," he pushed his fork in his own pile of eggs, parting it in half, admiring the remnants of salt and oil staining the plate, a trail of broken dreams and cholesterol. 

"See, you think it will at least make you feel better about yourself," he continued, brazenly filling his fork with egg clumps. "Life _sucks_ but at least you're fuckable. Of course then it's done and you're left questioning your life choices, my, does this taste like high blood pressure," he swallowed hard, looking down at his plate disappointedly as he gulped down half the wine in his coffee mug. "Wine was a good call."  
"It's really cheap _and_ it was left open in the fridge for a couple days," Thor explained, gazing into the depths of the red liquid. "It's like drinking sweetened, cold vinegar."

"Next time, I'm bringing the food and the drinks," Tony informed him. 

Thor raised his mug with a smile. "To bad food, even worse choices and making your friends worry about you."  
"Alright buddy, you are _not_ allowed to just summarize my whole life like that," Tony protested, clinking his mug with the god's. 

When Erik came back hours later, the house still smelled like burnt eggs.


End file.
